I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
