Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
foreskin is a definite game changer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
