his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
