I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
