Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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