he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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