And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
