the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
