shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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