Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize