Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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