Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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