There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
