I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
