it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A bitchslap is in order.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
