you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
