he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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