Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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