Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
