Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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