So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
