true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
