You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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