im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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