YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
