Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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