bring money and cleavage
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
