Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
how does that bad decision feel?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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