Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
