I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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