I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
