Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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