I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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