I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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