And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
