Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry about my life...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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