the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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