kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
