I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
