I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
