Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
