I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
