this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
