I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can I color on your dick again?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize