Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
