Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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