you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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