i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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