Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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