Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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