it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
