what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
