maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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