would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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