I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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