we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize