He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
