yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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