I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
