Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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