I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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