Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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