How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
