Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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