I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Someone signed my nipple.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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