Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
