is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize