I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
