I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im six kinds of drunk right now
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
