Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
